HIDDEN POSSIBILITIES FOR A RENEWED PURPOSE

 Fighting cancer has been the theme of my life over the past year and a half.  There is so much I could say about my battle with cancer, but I haven’t previously written about it. I was encouraged to write this after a recent acquaintance challenged me to look deeper into the lens of my own ways, habits, motivations, and consider hidden possibilities. 

On November 21, 2021, I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. After several doctor visits trying to get to the bottom of my chronic stomach pains, I had a colonoscopy which confirmed the diagnosis. I first noticed the pain around the beginning of that year, and by the summer it was causing me to miss significant time from work. Once diagnosed, I started treatment almost immediately. First, it was radiation and chemo to shrink the tumor followed by a two-part surgery to remove what remained of the tumor. Each stage was uniquely challenging, and each stage felt like it couldn’t get any worse. That is not the reason for this post, however. 

I was presented with many smaller battles from the individual treatments that made up the complete treatment plan. These smaller battles made the entire process more manageable, but it also allowed me to examine some of my habits and motivations–to see myself more clearly. Now that I have gone through the treatment and preparing to resume my role as community organizer, I have new considerations on how to approach the work and my role within the larger collective of Columbus organizers. 

SHARED INSPIRATION 

On April 5th, I attended a press conference held by the Sierra Club.  The purpose was to bring attention to the planned hike in electricity costs in Ohio. This was only the second action I’ve been able to attend this year and the first one since January.  After the event, I scheduled a coffee meeting with its organizer, Molly Nichols.  I wanted to get a better understanding about the campaign. During our meeting she shared that she, too, had received a cancer diagnosis around the same time that I did. While I have been blessed with support from people going through a similar experience, Molly was unique in that she understood the challenge of battling cancer while also being committed to community organizing. I left that meeting having made a new ally and more importantly a new friend with a shared understanding of persevering through a real-life struggle. That day I knew I was ready to get back to work!

Molly mentioned in our meeting that she had scans the following day to find out if the cancer had returned since her last scans. Unfortunately, her cancer had returned.  She would have to resume treatment. A few days after sharing this news with me I noticed that she had posted a blog detailing her journey and the latest updates on the new scans. I was floored by her transparency. While I have posted on Facebook a few times with very general updates about my experience, I have never really offered any real details about what I was going through. I had been keeping my experience to myself, for the most part, to protect myself.  I hadn't really considered that I could be depriving someone of a growth experience by not sharing what I've gone through. What was keeping me from being more transparent? 

TRANSPARENT STRENGTH  

I have never liked expressing my vulnerabilities. Perhaps no one does. For many people like me however, concealing those vulnerabilities can be a matter of survival. Growing up in low-income communities means growing up with people with low incomes. That literally means that there is not enough to go around. Growing up like that means learning how to protect things that others might want. That also means struggling through challenges silently in effort to not make things worse. The cost of that silence however is limiting access to those who would help. And by not sharing my story I could be condemning the next person who goes through something similar to feel isolated and alone. This has given a new meaning to the saying "be the change that you want to see on the world". I have spent so much energy fighting to change things around me that I failed to realize that the greatest threat to me was my own outdated thinking.

Being in survival mode has limited my ability to exist fully in the moment. I've been protecting myself from threats that are no longer there, and it's been costing me my joy. The reality is that letting go is a process, a process I am learning to embrace. It is my honor to share my process with you.